How many things can you do by yourself? What can you do literally 100% without the help of anyone else? (Besides normal bodily functions, i.e. breathing and thinking) Let’s say you think you can take a shower without the help of anyone else. Well, my first question is what do you wash yourself with? Did you make the soap? No. So you actually need other people’s help to take a shower. If you’ve figured out where this is going, then hold on while I finish my point. Is there anything you can do without the help of someone else besides the things your body does naturally? Our society has created an environment where we are completely dependent on the services and amenities that are provided by other people. My job as a youth minister could not be done without youth. I can’t do my job by myself. Computer technicians would not have a job if there wasn’t someone on the other end of their computer.

You are probably thinking that your spiritual life is lived in a similar way to your physical life, right? No, probably not. The direction people end up taking with their spiritual lives, which might describe what you have done, which I know I have done at many different times in my life, is they decide that their spirituality is a personal thing that doesn’t require the help or assistance of anyone else. Contrary to our consumer society which is completely dependent on the work of others to survive, our spiritual lives become a solitary, lonely, isolated place where we know what’s best and know exactly how to handle every given situation that comes our way!

If this is describing the way you feel about your spiritual life, you should be worried. You might know what I mean if you’ve already experienced that temptation that keeps beating you up on a regular basis. “But, I don’t need any help! I can handle this on my own!” You keep lying to yourself because you’ve created a spiritual Matrix where you are hiding from reality. When you are confronted by a temptation that is too big for you to handle by yourself (which if you can’t tell what one looks like, you will by the third or fourth time it conquers you), it’s time to get some help. All temptations that you struggle with on a regular basis are too big for you to handle by yourself. You have two choices. You can choose to stay in the Matrix and believe only what you want to believe. Or you can take a step outside your false spirituality and see how much deeper your spirituality can go when you’re being helped along by fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. (Does that sound anything like something you’ve heard before?—not from the Bible.)

The reason you need help to get by in your spiritual life is because that’s the way it was designed. Christ knew when he established the church that it was for our benefit. We need the community. James writes “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective…Remember this: whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and cover over a multitude of sins” (James 5:16, 20). We find through community the big A-word that is a key part of dealing with sin, especially secret sin, Accountability. Let’s talk about how you can set up accountability.

Some people don’t have a clue when it comes to choosing an accountability partner or beginning an accountability program. When it comes to something as secret and personal as the sin in your life, you better be sure you want to get into something like this because it could end up changing your life—and saving it, too. That was the disclaimer. Let’s look at some of the key principles of choosing an accountability partner and setting up an accountability program for the first time.

Choosing your accountability partner is a very serious thing. It’s not something that can be done lightly or without much thought and consideration. Before you can begin an accountability program, you must find a partner. Remember, that’s the point. You can’t do this by yourself. When you sit down to think about choosing your accountability partner, take into consideration the following: (1) You won’t tell someone your personal secrets if you don’t trust them, (2) You won’t listen to their advice if you don’t respect them, (3) You won’t find much helpful advice if they’ve never struggled with what you’re going through (same gender), (4) You won’t make any progress if they’re still struggling with what you’re going through, (5) The whole process will fail if your partner isn’t committed to calling and checking on you on a regular basis, (6) The whole process will fail if you don’t tell your partner the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, (7) The accountability train won’t go both ways. What this means is that you’ll probably end up choosing someone who is older than you for an accountability partner. It also means that you’ll have to choose someone who is reliable and trustworthy. In short, don’t choose a friend as an accountability partner, choose a mentor.

After thinking about all of the people in your life who fit into the category of “mentor”, approach the person you’ve decided and share with them what you would like to do. Don’t let it shake your faith if the person you’ve chosen tells you he/she doesn’t have time, at least they’re being honest with you. Just move on to the next person who fits you best. Be upfront and direct about what’s going on and tell the person that you need help dealing with some temptations and would like to meet on a regular basis to talk about it. Once you’ve found an accountability partner, you can begin your program.

The accountability program needs to consist of three important things. Without these things, the process won’t be as effective or meaningful to you. Keep in mind, your accountability partner will be meeting with you for your benefit, not theirs. They are here to help you, so let them. The first thing that is extremely important is prayer. Each time you meet with your partner, you need to pray together. This makes you both remember that it is God who is our healer and comforter, not ourselves. The second thing that is incredibly important, which was mentioned earlier, is truth. If you meet with an accountability partner and then lie to them, you are setting yourself up for death! (Read James 5:20 again) Frequency is the third factor that is very important to your accountability program. You need to set up times to meet on a regular basis and stick to them. These should preferably be in person, but if you can’t meet in person one day, phone calls and text messages work okay. The reason it needs to be in person is because it’s so much easier to lie to someone when you’re not looking at them. And the reason these meetings need to occur on a regular basis is in order to establish consistency and reliability. When you know your accountability partner is reliable, you’ll be less likely to compromise when you’re alone. You’ll know that tomorrow will come and he/she will call you to check and see how you’ve been doing…you don’t want to lie…so you walk away and are victorious over temptation. Well, it might not work that well every time, but that’s what you’re desire should be.

Constantly be in prayer about setting up an accountability program with someone you trust. This will be the only way you’ll be able to deal with certain sins and temptations in your life. With God’s help and the church surrounding you, you can be victorious. “Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the SIN that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

PRINTALBE VERSION: LESSON 6