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THIS MONTH'S JOKE: (11/08)

Funny things you can record on your answering machine:

"Hi, you have reached the alzheimers research um..a..labortory...no, uh...laboramy...labotamy...no...oh anyway, the place thingy where we study...um, what was it? anyway, if you wish to leave a...oh gosh, what was it?...um...a...a menasiotis, no if you wish to leave a...oh, please speak after the uh...the um...the bath...no the, the, the...Beep!"

"You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me..."

"Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

"(Computer/GPS Voice) Hello, it's----obvious you---have bad---timing, because nobody-----is home. ----Please leave-----your name,-----telephone number,-----and a brief------message in a----voice similar to mine,------and your------call will -----be returned-----as soon as------humanly possible."

"We're sorry, but the number you dialed is disconnected or no longer in service."

"The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new number is 226-0477. (same number.) Please make a note of it."

"Please hang up now if you would want to speak to John. Otherwise, please stay on the line to leave him a message."

"Hello, you have reached 555-1234. Our voice mail system is currently experiencing difficulties, so at the tone, please type your message on the keypad using the appropriate letters, and press the pound sign when finished."

"This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."